Pin The Tail on Google’s Donkey

After reading more blog posts on the latest Google outrage against its Toolbar Page Rank (TBPR) score and reading everything from “Danny warned us” to “Matt Cutts has confirmed” to “Nobody cares”, I had this image of the game, “Pin the Tail on the Donkey”.

Yesterday, I wrote two blog posts addressed to Google, that I didn’t post.

One was called “Do You Think My Blog is Too Fat”, in which I visualized standing in front of Google’s mirror. For me, a woman of pre-Dove self-esteem, a mirror is a weapon. As a web site owner and woman, I view any of my attempts to please Google as a total and complete lost cause.

The other post I wrote, that will never see the light of Internet, is “Ten Reasons for Escaping the Google Regime”. I started out by cracking jokes:

2. They’re control freaks. Even the ice cream they serve their employees had to be reformulated before being approved by the Google Founders. (It was cute when I thought it was because they cared about nutrition. I no longer believe that fantasy.)

By the ending, my blood pressure had soared, as evidenced by,

Does the damn score have importance or not?

Round and around and around we go. Where we stop, nobody knows.

At first, especially after asking questions in public forums, at the risk of sounding “stupid”, I felt stupid. I felt like an ass. There’s been no positive vibe like I’m a hot blooded two year old racing mare on the racetrack of success kind. Who wouldn’t want THAT one?

I toured Google. I’ve met some of its people. I’ve visited the Google Tribe and wished to be initiated into It. They could have my body and soul if they’d wished.

But after one of my sites was punished for something I didn’t realize was a threat, because there’s not a shred of evil under-handed ego-guided greedy belly button worship energy in me, I’m not feeling that nice, cozy, thing I had going on there.

Google, may I just say, you got the wrong girl.

So, to cheer myself up and deal with the ongoing confusion over how to please Google, potential advertisers, web site visitors, other search engines who don’t scare the hell out of me and maintain world peace all at the same time, I now think of Google as a donkey.

We may never be able to pin the tail on their butt because they keep spinning everyone around to keep us from getting things just right, but they look a lot less annoying in this position.

Picture of sitting donkey.

10 thoughts on “Pin The Tail on Google’s Donkey

  1. I love it. Everything about your post is great…except…I love donkeys. I have 20 or so donkey neighbors (the real kind) that amuse me every day. They are the sweetest things. But…aside from that…great post! :D

  2. Kim this post cracked me up!! It totally made my day. Plus, my 4 year old son was sitting next to me when I was reading it and he loved the picture of the Donkey. All is good in the world when my son and I are giggling. Thank you for making us laugh. :-)

  3. What’s even funnier (or sad, depending on how you view it), is that I just corrected an error in the first paragraph, where it originally said,”Spin the tail on the donkey” instead of “Pin the tail…”

    Further proof I’ve been spending FAR too much time at Sphinn! LOL

  4. I think the donkey had to sit down because his head was sphinning. One good thing about a big, uh, you know, is that it’s nice to have a stable center of gravity.

    Strange, though. I always thought that an evil Google would look more like a mad scientist than a tired ass.

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